Why Casual Sex Is Healthy 🠊
Doing it is, of course, and here’s why.
Casual Sex, At Its Best
Here’s the thing: While casual sex is not good for you, sex with a person you actually love can be great.
Even if you find yourself in a place where you think sex is bad for you, it doesn’t have to be bad for your relationship. A 2014 study by the Sexual Health Information Services found that people can benefit from sex with their romantic partners — even if it is more often than not, just for orgasm.
“It’s the stuff that happens outside of the bedroom,” says Sheryl Pope, an assistant professor of clinical family medicine at the University of Vermont and author of the book Sex Sells: How To Use Your Sexuality To Build True Love, lasting love, and lasting sex. “It’s how you connect — how you laugh together, how you hold hands, and support one another when you’re in pain, and when you’re frustrated and disappointed.”
It’s sometimes hard to justify having sex with someone you don’t love — or at least not as much as you do. But talking to your partner before you do is a great first step. “Good sex is good sex — no matter who you’re having it with,” says Wilkes. “It’s about the experience, not the other person. You may be tempted to define your sexual relationship in terms of whether you’re doing it with someone you love, but your relationship is with you — who you are, what you’re interested in, what you’re feeling and being challenged by.”
If you think that casual sex is a bad thing, there’s a chance you’ve limited yourself in your sexual and romantic life. Just because casual sex has not only been legitimized in recent years, but veritably been made the social standard, doesn’t mean that it’s always super healthy. The ubiquity of porn, media examples, and above all, the swiping model of dating apps have all contributed to a society where hookup culture can be the default — “If having sex was once taboo, not having it is today,” says Washington Post columnist Christine Emba in her book Rethinking Sex: A Provocation. This pressure to hook up can lead to having — and even seeking out — sex when you don’t really, genuinely want it.
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But that isn’t to say that casual sex is itself a problem — approached properly, if anything, it can be and is empowering, liberating
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The culture of hooking up can be damaging for a variety of reasons, and this sometimes means stepping outside of the norm and having sex with people you don’t know well. Read on to find out what these reasons are and whether casual sex is really what you want.
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“Most people,” Ema says, “don’t want to spend their precious time with a sex partner. They want someone who is both fun to hang out with and sexually attractive to them. If you are in a rut and have a partner who is neither, why would you keep doing it? You may think that you are getting pleasure out of a relationship — but you are not.” Having casual sex and then using a hookup app to find sex is like entering into a relationship with money as the sole purpose for being there. There is an expectation of a payout, and there is no room for real communication or deepening the experience. There is no space for the unexpected and the excitement you both should be experiencing.
“If the purpose of the relationship is to just have a good time with no strings attached, then dating and sex is where you should be,” she adds. “But don’t put this on your terms, you may end up compromising your health and self esteem.” Casual sex also can be considered unhealthy if the rush you get out of being with someone “too quickly” leads to you jumping into sex sooner, or you feel pressured into having sex when you’re not ready.
Legal issues
And let’s not forget, casual sex can be legally tricky. “(It’s) not a smart idea to commit a crime,” former presidential candidate Mike Huckabee (not kidding) tweeted in 2013. “If someone is underage and not willing to abstain, it’s statutory rape.” According to the National Council on Sexuality, Health, and Identity, while the majority of states do criminalize underage sex, only 11 states deem it rape, and many people’s definitions of rape are limited to acts with real penetration.
If you’re underage, have consent issues, are addicted to pornography, are constantly sexually aroused, are dealing with a trauma or other past behavior that affects your sexuality, or you’re thinking of being with someone who is underage, find a sex therapist who specializes in post-traumatic stress disorder.
Keep some boundaries
It should be clear by now that meeting people with whom you have no intention of having more than a one-time thing is just as dangerous as finding somebody who you actually want to be with as a long
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