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Casual sex in college may not be good for you, but the more recent surge to use apps and the internet to find one-night stands could be a sign that the casual sexual relationship is here to stay — possibly even in a good way.
Social norms have gradually shifted — especially for younger generations in America, where a good number of them are having sex before they have officially “grown up.” According to a survey conducted by the Rutgers University Center for Sex and Relationships, 52 percent of college students reported having had a one-night stand within a year of graduating. While these students say they had no expectations for their sexual experiences or the people they were with, for many this was the first time sex had happened since high school, and many of them had “sex for fun” for the first time.
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The good news, for people who are genuinely into casual sex, is that the demand for it is on the rise. For one, the signs of casual sex are less severe than a ‘traditional’ relationship. Compare the pressure of a hookup to date to a traditional one. He wants to be the one you have sex with, as soon as possible. But unlike a regular relationship, your hookup has no obligation to stick around. What’s more, the high number of forms of casual sex — including sex while drunk, threesomes, and orgies — allows people to enjoy more forms of pleasure.
And while as a society, we’ve had to get used to casual sex, it hasn’t just taken over. Our company has seen an increase in requests from our clients to learn ways to approach casual sex with vulnerability and respect. And as you know, there are many different forms of casual sex, from your traditional “one-night stand” to dating apps that pair you with other people to try out new sexual experiences.
The Bad News
Relationship experts agree that your relationship should have greater levels of importance than casual sex. Even so, there are a few negatives to casual sex, namely that it’s low-commitment and high-risk. When you’re going to have casual sex with a stranger, you should just be aware of the lack of future plans.
But given that so many people are choosing to have casual sex, why is it coming to the forefront as the standard option over long-term relationships? It’s possible that casual sex is a natural progression of romantic relationships. According to a study published
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What people don’t often realize is that casual sex isn’t inherently bad for you as much as it’s a consequence of a miseducated culture. Sure, it’s not healthy to cheat on your significant other, but it’s the ancillary problems that come with it, namely gaining a reputation as a cheat and STDs, that can have a serious effect on your relationship and career.
The hookup culture is a reflection of a deeper problem in our culture. The rise of casual sex itself is a reflection of how we feel we don’t need to commit to someone. We are afraid of or ashamed of our neediness. With this culture, is there such a thing as “too casual”? Depends on where you are — but there’s always some version of “It’s not you, it’s me.”
And when that’s all anyone can say, it’s not just us that gets hurt, but every person who has ever, ever loved someone. How can you have a relationship with someone if you don’t fully trust them, or at least understand that they’re going to love you, too?
How casual sex works
If casual sex sounds like something you want to have in your life, here’s how to go about it.
You have sex, have a good time, and go your separate ways
This one is usually the default — it involves no commitment, no calls, no meetings, just a good time. But there are people who enjoy this so much, they’ve decided that this is what their whole life should be about.
Some people have a pretty firm idea of what they want in a partner — they think of someone with whom they’d be willing to be monogamous, for example — and this may go one of two ways. The first is that casual sex is like the ultimate “fuck-it” option — if you meet a guy or a gal with whom you could commit (maybe) or have lots of fun (definitely), you just decide to get naked and have a good time.
The second way is that casual sex doesn’t just involve sex, it also includes or is mistaken for romance. You may go on a date with someone and think of it as more than just skin on skin, and you may have dates where you become completely emotionally attached to the person, or you may have one-night stands, dates that lead to a connection.
But you can have this kind of relationship no matter how casual you
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