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To most women, casual sex is part of the job description, isn’t it? According to a survey from dating site AYI, 90 percent of women agree that casual sex is a necessary part of a relationship, while 78 percent feel that finding the right casual sex partner is just as important as finding a romantic partner.
Is the whole world hooked up?
While your grandparents may have bought into the traditional view of sex being something reserved for marriage or committed relationships, it’s become completely different on the dating scene. Due to greater numbers of “love connections” by more millennials and several other studies that seem to have some truth, it’s safe to say that casual sex is even more common than it has been in the past. According to one Harris Poll, the percentage of Americans who have had sex outside of a committed relationship peaked around 2004 — at around 12 percent. Today? The percentage has jumped up to around 22.
It’s not all that different than your grandparents’ generation in a sexual sense. That is, until you read some of the other statistics. According to Pew Research, the number of adult women who have never been with a man has risen to 43 percent, and the number of men who have never had sex has risen to 48 percent.
Is casual sex a mutually beneficial relationship?
“If [casual sex is] a mutually beneficial relationship, why don’t most people that have casual sex feel that way?” says Joan Price, M.D., F.A.C.S., a clinical associate professor of medicine and surgery at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, and author of Is My Dirty Little Secret Killing My Love Life? Finding the Secrets of Great Love and Sex. “I get asked this question a lot. And [in part], I think it’s really just getting used to the fact that you don’t have to have expectations about casual sex.”
Not having expectations about casual sex has a few benefits.
“It’s really fun and exciting if you’ve never had a chance to do it before,” says Jessica Last, CEO of You Are What You Date, which offers matchmaking services. “But it doesn’t really have to be a lot of effort, but it does take a little bit of effort. And if you find someone that likes to have the same kind of fun, there’s an intimacy and connection that happens. It doesn’t always happen that quickly, but it does get easier the more you do it.”
It can also be an easy way to cover up a
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You hook up with someone because you have to have the next hookup. You meet someone at a bar or an event or a party, and it turns out she’s not at all your thing. But you figure, it was fun while it lasted and at least you got laid, right? After all, it’s not like you’ve wasted your time on a person you’ll never get to see again.
The issue is that you just didn’t get as close as you wanted to. Or it’s just not fun anymore. Or it didn’t feel right in a way that you don’t want to go down again. You have casual sex because you feel you shouldn’t have to make an emotional connection to someone before you actually have sex with them. If a relationship means getting emotionally vulnerable and connecting in a meaningful way, then casual sex seems like a pretty legitimate way to get what you want.
The issue is that most casual hookups are, well, casual. And what we are considering to be casual isn’t casual at all to a significant number of people: Casual sex means hooking up with someone you barely know, while having an “open relationship” with someone you are in love with and want to share a future with means sharing the best parts of your identity and life, including your body. That means you can’t just be casual with that person, like you would when dealing with random, anonymous strangers.
How to have a safe casual sex
Risk-free casual sex is possible. You just have to take the proper steps before you get down there.
Learn how to read people. Especially if your goal is casual sex. As a general rule, the more casual and accessible you are with people, the more likely they are to be attracted to you because you seem approachable. Don’t be dumb. You’ll only be dumb if you allow yourself to be.
Check out the weather. Yes, really. Weather conditions are a very important element to consider when having casual sex. Some people sleep naked. Others get naked very early in the morning, on a particularly chilly day. You should be fully aware of these things if you want to have casual sex, even with someone you don’t know.
Ask the right people. If you want to do casual sex, the people you need to ask in order to have sex are: an STD test, your date, and your doctor.
Many people feel obligated to keep their virginity until they’re married — or at least until they’ve both finished college.
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